well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
