Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
