Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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