How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
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We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"