There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
My vagina just recognized that song.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Randomize
