I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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