I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
