I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize