Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
