she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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