Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You are the jesus of drinking
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
