Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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