Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
