My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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