God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone shattered a urinal.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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