Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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