Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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