Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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