she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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