Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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