The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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