how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.