So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'