I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?