we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me