Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
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Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
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Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.