genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
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To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
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On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.