When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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