Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Blood and glitter go together right?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.