Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.