From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it