I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
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until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
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If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag