My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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