I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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