no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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