I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
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she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
there is glitter all over my balls
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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