this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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