god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize