dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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