I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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