I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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