Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
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It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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