Don't make out with my wife yet
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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