K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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