My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
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Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
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So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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