I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
