I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I'm both gender and math confused
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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