We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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