Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
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as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize