Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
