"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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