My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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