im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
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I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
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We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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