I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
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