I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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