Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I think I just sharted jello shots
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