Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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