Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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